WARNING! Approximately 40% of this blog is almost entirely about liquid poo.
China's parting gift to me was a nasty bout of E-Coli poisoning - which I began suffering from approximately two hours prior to boarding our 12 hour, overnight, 'sleeper-bus' to Shenzhen.
We were transported in an otherwise empty mini van through nothing but bumpy darkness to what appeared to be the end of a rural toll road, where a coach already filled with sleepy Chinese travellers, greeted us with incoherent and dramatic, angry yells - presumably urging us to hurry up.
On first glance there were no beds available. But upon further investigation the bulky lumps loaded onto the first two top bunks were in fact just musty, faux animal skin blankets - complimentary, for "increased passenger comfort."
Shoes (that means flip-flops too) must be removed when boarding -you're given a plastic bag to put them in. There was no toilet on this bus, and it was all I could think about. That, and how the hell to get onto that short, skinny mattress without putting my foot on the face of the snoring man on the lower bunk. There were no steps. I looked around at the other upper-level beds - how did all those miniature people ascend to that height without assistance?
Guillaume lifted me, somewhat awkwardly from the narrow, obstacle-filled aisle, and I plunged head-first into the window with a whack that awoke even the dribbliest of snoozers at the back of the coach.
I eventually scrambled onto the torn sponge bed, focussing my entire mind and body on not pooing myself. I lay extremely still, flat on my back, with my arse tightly clenched as my intestines made all kinds of alarming, gurgly sounds for at least three hours, before we pulled over at a mosquito-infested garage in the middle of a jungle for a quick loo break.
Fortunately I was equipped with toilet paper, but unfortunately the only place to go was one of those grotty holes in the ground where one must risk over-estimating their squat-endurance ability.
Travellers Diarrhea (which is actually the official term covering a number of bacterial infections causing Niagara-like excretion) affects at least 20% of those who venture into unhygienic countries of the world. Typically it takes care of itself after a few days, but for the duration it's an agonizing nightmare...
Sudden urges which cannot be ignored are frequent, constant, and well... endless. "How does my body contain this much waste?" is undoubtedly the question one repeatedly asks oneself as they fear the ejection of vital internal organs might be occurring. The bus stopped once every few hours at similarly disgusting "conveniences", and each time, I leapt and ran.
It's only 700km from Yangshuo to Shenzhen, but it took forever because we regularly drove in circles (literally) and stopped on empty roads where mysterious large packages were unloaded and reloaded into the luggage compartments. For the entire journey, the driver was chain-smoking and having heated "conversations" on his mobile phone. Occasionally, he'd stop clogging his lungs long enough to nap on one of the lower-bunks when we pulled over at the edge of highways.
Nauseous, sweaty, bloated-with-contaminated-mush, and suffering those kind of stabbing cramps which make you pull the ugliest of screwed up faces and uncontrollably mumble "ugh" every now and then, I daren't relax for fear of what might happen. I even eyed the plastic bag containing my shoes when considering my "emergency options"... It didn't come to that.
When we arrived in Shenzhen, we were the only people to be practically forced off the bus, as our backpacks were hurled onto the pavement. "For Hong Kong! For Hong Kong!" the driver yelled at us, pointing at a bus station over the road.
A young girl sitting behind Guillaume spoke some English; "You want Hong Kong? No, not here. I go Hong Kong. It easy from train." We too had thought we'd take the underground to the border crossing having researched the route prior to departure - but this driver was having none of it. "You here! You here!" he was screaming. And so the bus left us on a sidewalk in Shenzhen - so close to our destination, yet so far...
Not only does nobody in Shenzhen speak a word of English (forgivable) but they don't know what "Hong Kong" means. (...urr, hello, it's one of the biggest cities in the world and it's on your f***ing doorstep!) No time to get frustrated. Just... 'Think'. In situations such as these in China, teenagers are your best hope - which gives us some optimism for their next generation. Chinese teens are eager to help and at least one in 50 of them knows some English. After a few failed attempts to communicate with shop owners, bus drivers and men in suits, we eventually found a group of students. One girl among them was our saviour. She knew exactly where Hong Kong was. At last! (I mean, honestly, it's like those idiots in Portsmouth that have never heard of the Isle of Wight, or US residents of Maine, Vermont, or New Hampshire not knowing where one would find the Canadian province of Quebec. Though I would say they are fewer and farther between.) Nonetheless, there's a moral to this story: Always underestimate a locals geographic knowledge, especially if they've "lived there all their life."
We were given detailed but simple instructions which began with a 45 minute public bus ride through the chaotic, grey city to Shenzhen Wan, from where we could apparently stroll to the border crossing. I held a plastic bag to my mouth the entire time in readiness for possible projectile vomiting. Squished at the very back with our enormous strappy bags on our laps, at least my flushed self was hidden from the rest of the over-crowded, dusty old bus.
Walking across the border took about an hour. First exiting China, which evoked great happiness within us, and then entering Hong Kong - which elated us further. There's no visa required to enter HK. Passports are quickly stamped allowing up to six months stay.
On the Hong Kong side of the border we were met with an air of calm - and of course it's not possible that the dark, smoggy pollution stops at a border crossing, but it felt as though it did. Already, the sky looked bluer, fresher and more open than in suffocating Shenzhen.
Another bus took us over the bridge into the heart of the coherent action. An air-conditioned, double-decker, new, clean bus that wasn't even full. We had to take the metro once we were in the city - and as we arrived, checked our map and looked obviously like targetable tourists, not one taxi man waved, shouted or repeatedly honked their horn at us. Nobody approached us and tried to sell us anything as we stood still for a few minutes. In fact, it was quiet, peaceful, normal. And we felt free to make our own way, on our own terms, and it was easy.
The metro station was full of English language ads for familiar-looking products. There were less walking fashion disasters. Even a wall-covering GAP billboard depicted a girl in black jeans and a white shirt with the simple message "dress normal" above it - definitely aimed at the thousands of Chinese visitors in their circus-like bright arrays of unusual, often sequinned, attire matching their fuzzy, hectic, white-noise-like lifestyle. And something we'd never seen once in six weeks in unforgiving Jap-hating China - sushi! Not that I was capable of eating or drinking at that time, nor could I foresee the ability to successfully digest anything in the near future.
Where better to spend two days on a toilet than in the luxurious four star hotel we had treated ourselves to in Hong Kong. $360 for four nights. Literally ten times what we'd paid for the same length of time at other places. Our favourite thing about our room on the 27th floor of 'Butterfly on the Waterfront' was the remote-control blinds which smoothly lowered over the enormous window - but rarely did we want to hide the mind-blowing concrete-jungle of diverse and intriguing high-rise to the exterior. Especially when lit up a night - a twinkling, futuristic display.
They have Facebook in Hong Kong - and YouTube, and Twitter and all the journalistic websites with their differing opinions and informative videos and everything we'd want to access in the UK or Canada. Internet freedom. Glorious. Similarly, they have Western media - a generous assortment of movies, tv shows, sports and news channels that had been prohibited and inaccessible to us in China. These were welcome bonuses to our beautiful room, as it was a while before I was able to venture out and explore Hong Kong island.
Guillaume went out alone (albeit briefly - my heroic nurse man) for essentials and to make necessary onward train journey bookings, as I remained bed-bound and deteriorated further to the point I was physically unable to stand up straight. The 'TD' had progressed and simultaneous eruptions at both ends, violently occupied most of my time. The shivers, dizziness, excessive perspiration, headaches and pumping heart palpitations completed the insomnia-inducing, exhausting sickness which momentarily had us considering a hospital visit.
...Eventually I passed out, and gradually over the next 36 hours symptoms improved until we dared to ascend Victoria Peak. We quickly learned hat being ill in Hong Kong is easy. Real loos everywhere, with soap, and disposable hand towels. No haggling necessary for bottled water. Medicines labelled in multiple languages, and no unpleasant aromas to spur a gagging. And nothing took hours either. It's all comfortably within reach and sensibly sign-posted.
Victoria Peak can be reached by cable car, as has been the case since 1888. The funicular railway carries as many as 17,000 passengers per day up 400 metres along a 1.4km track. It impressively and constantly lifts hefty loads of tourists and residents alike to the upper levels of Hong Kong island faster than along any other route from the Central District.
We went an hour or so before dusk. It's terrifyingly steep, but less than six minutes to chug all the way to the top. (Much faster on the return journey.) It's like a resort up there - with shopping malls, bars and restaurants, as well as strategically placed, easy-to-read maps indicating the best spots to snap some panoramic pics, and other points of interest.
The views from up there are spectacular. And apart from being slightly concerned about the extortionate amount of electricity being consumed for the impressive nightly light shows, I was in utter awe of the skyline. I couldn't help but wonder what all the comparatively happy residents were up to in that exciting world below the peak. It felt like a positive buzz of goodness.
We understand the fears of the younger generation who peacefully protested in the week following our departure, pushing their #UmbrellaRevolution - for greater democracy and the freedom of choice - which we conclude is so important for a country's development, prosperity and evolution. Things like prioritising necessities are more likely when voted for by the masses. (Perhaps this is why China has spent a fortune on incomplete, empty apartment buildings and pointless construction as far as the eye can see - rather than working to improve sanitation and hygiene for it's existing communities... For example.)
And it's wrong that something 'so close to home' (even though most of them don't know it) is being kept from the Chinese people, along with everything else their not allowed to see. The Hong Kong protests were not comprehensively covered (to say the least) by Chinese media.
We missed the peak of the protests by two days, although the students had begun to stir the weekend prior, and we'd been aware of that. Had we been there at the time, we probably would have joined in. We support the people calling for options - they will most certainly not want Hong Kong to go back under full Chinese rule in 2047. There will most definitely be an uprising.
We don't care for any organised religion, and in fact we both naturally oppose anything encouraging continued, unchanging routine - but we do love many things Buddha stands (or sits, most of the time actually) for - peace, love, zen, kindness. If only these four sentiments alone were strived for passionately by all worldwide, regardless of their beliefs or backgrounds. Whatever's going on in our lives, we all have the choice to be peaceful - wherever we're from, wherever we are. But to be effective, it cannot be adopted by a percentage alone. Absolute peace will never be achieved.
It was easy to go and see the Tian Tan Buddha at Ngong Ping, on Lantau Island, South West of Hong Kong. Even the 268 steps leading up to it aren't too tricky. Buses regularly make the 40 minute trip from Tung Chung metro station. And it's a cheap ride at just a few dollars. Since it's construction 11 years ago, people have travelled great distances to see this serene statue, symbolizing harmony of all things - promoting morality and encouraging acquisition of wisdom through meditation and observation.
The day we visited the 250-ton, bronze, giant Buddha, the weather was a strange mixture of burning sun and blue skies between thick black storm clouds in small but dense clusters. The sunlight shining behind the Buddha created mini rainbows in his soulful glow, and gave an illusion of tiny bright lights dancing around him.
The Avenue of Stars on Victoria Harbour waterfront at Tsim Sha Tsui, is Hong Kongs version of Hollywoods Walk of Fame. Neither of us knew the majority of names in the ground with their accompanying hand prints - apart from Bruce Lee - who is deemed worthy of a statue in addition, interrupting the incredible back drop where the river meets the still rapidly-growing city with its abundance of mighty towers. Classic, traditional junk boats with alluring dark red sails carry tourists up and down the river, illustrating a mystical contrast where the old floats past the new.
Hong Kong is a city that extravagantly comes together every night at 8pm for 15 minutes, when bright lights of every colour across the skyline are ignited simultaneously and subsequently to eclectic medleys of musical beats, each unique building introducing itself with lasers in time to a narration delivered over speakers. Lights wave, flash and blink and moving images are projected up and down some of the newest skyscrapers.
Sadly, we had to return to China after our short time in Hong Kong, for our cheap flight out of Guangzhou...
Exiting Hong Kong and getting on the train was simple - the difficulties once again began at the Chinese border. Guillaumes "double-entry" tourist visa (which he so carefully applied for months in advance, reading all the small print and asking all the questions) had apparently expired two weeks earlier. His "enter before" date was Sept 14th. We had been lead to believe that the "first entry" must be prior to that date - which it was (Aug 15th) after which, one has 90 days to spend in China with one exit and re-entry, with the final entry date being no later than three months after the original entry. But we weren't about to disagree with these scary people who could immorally and nonsensically lock us up at any moment simply because they don't like us.
So with calm smiles and apologetic words, Guillaume applied and paid for another visa - a 48 hour transit visa, so he could take his booked flight out of Guangzhou. It was possible to do all this at the on-site visa office.
Guangzhou is another massive, messy city with a population of 8.6 million. Back into the dirt. That's how we anticipated much of SE Asia might be from then on in. Dirty. We are thrilled to announce that we were absolutely wrong. Vietnam is fantastic! Unexpectedly refreshing in so many ways, and we're truly relaxed and extremely happy. ...but more on all that when I catch up with the next blog... SOON.
...And for now, I blame the unhealthy state of China for my limited experience of Hong Kong - and I expect I'm not the only one.